The Toad Ranger
August - September 2017
TX -> MI -> OH -> MI -> TX
Trip Information:
Miles/Duration - 3000 Miles, 2 day drive each direction, 26 days total
States - Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Indiana, Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, Arkansas, Texas
Overnight stops - Walmart parking lot in Kansas, Walmart parking lot in Illinois, Campground in Ohio, Walmart parking lot in Missouri
Key observations:
First extended trip towing the Ranger and did not disconnect driveshaft so limited speed to 55mph.
Decided to take back roads since I was going slower which turned out to be a bad idea...
Back roads in many States are still higher than 55mph and only two lanes so not only was I going slow, I was tying up quicker traffic behind me
Driving a motor home, towing a truck makes trips ~30% longer than the time called out in GPS
Cannot back up when towing Ranger four-wheels down
Diesel fuel is significantly more expensive at truck stops than most gas stations
There are two different types of nozzles on diesel pumps
Issues encountered:
Turning radius got me stuck twice (gas station and a church parking lot)
Had to disconnect the Ranger once to get unstuck and drove across a lawn once...
Finding gas stations with diesel and enough space to maneuver the motor home was tricky
Rear dually's deflated more than once due to poor valve stems
Headlight casing cracked due to bird strike
The Story:
Midnight on a two lane back road somewhere in the middle of Oklahoma. A very dark night, no civilization and no other travelers on the road. Suddenly there were flashes of lights in the distance.
Sales People - The Toad Ranger and Dusty had been called to the Midwest to support a gathering of of many great minds whose admitted goal in life was to peddle self proclaimed necessities to others.
Rolled Tanker - As the Toad Ranger and Dusty approached the initial flashes of light, more and more flashes became visible. Upon on arriving at the scene, the Toad Ranger and Dusty beheld a scene of devastation where I can only imagine a rabid band of masked robbers (or maybe masked raccoons) had surprised an unsuspecting traveler who was hauling a load of flammable provisions. There was nothing that the Toad Ranger and Dusty could do to assist so they decided to head on their way. Unfortunately, there was no room to maneuver around the scene, and one of the little known flaws of Dusty is a complete inability to back up when the Toad Ranger is mounted. Thankfully, there was a friendly Native American who offered the use of his family's personal pathway to the Toad Ranger after dismounting from Dusty. Dusty could then proceed to complete a 10+ point turn on the two lane back road. After Dusty was pointed in the right direction, the Toad Ranger remounted and the duo were on their way again to find a new way around the the scene.
Gas Station Turning Radius - Pit stop to take on provisions, no space for Dusty so the duo proceeded to trample the lawn.
Church Turning Radius - Rest stop at a friendly house of worship. Again, no room for Dusty to maneuver. There may have been minor cursing as the Toad Ranger was not particularly excited about dismounting from Dusty.
Finding Fuel - Any stop for provision is an adventure as Dusty is somewhat particular about the provisions it will accept and many provision shops are not particularly well laid out to provide said provisions in a manner that is acceptable to Dusty.
Truth be told, although Dusty is magnificent, Dusty is not a very maneuverable steed...
Stupid Bird - At some point Dusty ran into a feathered friend. The incident did not end well for the feathered friend and Dusty came out of it with a cracked lens on one of its forward looking lanterns. Dusty also collected a slight bedazzling of feathers for the remainder of the journey.
Michigan Roads - The journey was quite good until Dusty and the Toad Ranger hit a rough patch of road. Dusty decided to start redistributing its internal items and the Toad Ranger looked like somebody had exploded a change machine inside it.
The Toad Ranger and Dusty split up during a portion of the journey. Dusty was relegated to an undersized stall in the middle of a bustling, noisy town while the Toad Ranger proceeded on other adventures. Those were dark days for Dusty... (Grand Rapids)
Loose Valve Stem - After reuniting, the Toad Ranger and Dusty prepared for the long journey back to the Wild (...ish) West. Neither the Toad Ranger nor Dusty were particularly excited about returning but the Wild (...ish) West was adamantly calling for the return of the duo. Dusty tried to stall the return by having a damaged hoof which was fixed with much cursing and pounding of earth and metal sheds.
Rest Are Zion - The Toad Ranger and Dusty saw Zion during the return journey. There was heavenly music from Zion, but Zion was slightly more transient than described. Zion had an amazing ability to attach many necessary and unnecessary provisions to a cart in ways that defied logic and the laws of gravity (attach drawing). Zion took to the path in great grinding of gears and cacophony of many small, angry dogs. The relatively fearless duo determined to proceed cautiously if following in the path of Zion.
Remember to remove keys before leaving and locking vehicle - Within walking distance of their journey's end, Dusty ate the items required to complete the journey. A friend had to be summoned to assist with the retrieval of items from Dusty.
Need a Bath - If Dusty was a frog it would now be obese based on the sheer number of bugs collected during the journey.